All or Nothing

Marched out of work with head held high.  HUZZAH.  Presentation done.  Report, done.  Evaluation, done.  Co-workers said it was a job well done, probably was said out of politeness.  Excited in any case.  Nothing blocking the way back home and food.  Except for TSA.  Meh, pat down all you want as long as you don’t get in the way between a man and his food.  Laughed loudly while imagining a wall of TSA agents lining in front of a plate of fried rice.  Co-workers looked puzzled by the outburst.  Didn’t care to explain but instead walked right along past the gate.

Christmas Eve.  Went to landlord’s girlfriend’s family dinner for the 3rd time in the past 4 months.  So much good food and company.  Didn’t understand most of the conversations going on as Spanish was the primary language.  No matter.  Every one was full of joy and kindness to an outsider who looked oddly out of place.  Sometimes we forget, that despite all of our differences, we all live and eat and love and — got pulled from chair by an elderly lady to the dance floor.  Moved awkwardly among skilled dancers yet again.  Was both laughed with and laughed at.  Simply content.

Bright sky.  Good.  At least the storm would not hit before leaving.  Hurriedly stuffed landlord’s present into luggage, wonder what on earth it could possibly be.  Rushed into landlord’s car.  Small talks about weather and future prospects and such.  Anxious.  Waved goodbye and went through security.  No pat down; was somewhat disappointed.  Grabbed a McMuffin and called home before boarding.  Flight attendant joked of getting home early.  Smiled.  This time, it’s home, for realz.

I Could Make You Care

Drifted out of the lab in shriveled lab coat and awkward goggles. Fumes in the lab still lingered in nostrils, a little sickening but familiar. Greeted colleagues in the hallway. Small talks about the coming uneventful (albeit restful) weekend. A little jealous when one mentioned watching HP after work with friends. Talked more about Thanksgiving. Realized that no plans whatsoever have been planned. Just great— yet another holiday to be spent alone. Should be used to it by now, but never really do.

Three nights ago, a couple of alumni of college in the area organized a dinner at a steakhouse for current students interning in the area. BEST THING EVER. Reunited with a few friends in college. All seemed to be doing well. Chatted about Ithaca. Never thought that day would come. Alumni friendly and helpful. Hesitated when asked about future endeavors. Or maybe the sinful desserts did their job too well. Nearly fell asleep in friend’s car on the way back. Until “You’ll Be in My Heart” came on the radio. Sang with the others joyously. Good times.

Five weeks. Not enough time. Too much still needs to be done. Presentation on project creeping up fast. Nauseous when thinking of the throngs of professionals sitting and staring and evaluating. Too much, yet too little on the line. Can’t make mistakes. Too many made already along the way. Time to shift up gears— and, afterwards, to find the way back to beloved home.

We’re Eatable Ants

Monday morning.  Dreadful, dreadful time.  Woken from a restless sleep.  Lack of alarm clock and phone being half dead did not help.  Kept waking up to a dream in which work has been missed by about 4 hours.  Concerned, but mentally vacant.  Looked for watch— 7:15AM.  Just great.  Heard school kids walking to school outside.  No time to be a lazy “adult”.

Work did not proceed as smoothly as foreseen.  Lab equipment failures found on Tuesday caused delays till the end of the week.  Nothing fixed the problems.  Had to wait for technical support.  Frustrated.  Tech person came late Friday and clearly did not know a thing about the machine.  Tweaked around here and there without doing much other than staring at the box.  Looked like SOMEONE needs to either get more training or better yet, a new job.  Was sent home by an apologetic supervisor.  Not her faults.  Did not help to alleviate the frustration though.  Spent most of the work week on BBC and CNN reading about Tea Party and unemployment rate.  Disillusioned.  Left work Friday rather unsatisfied and feeling very much like an ant.  Utterly ignorable.

Phone showed symptoms of trouble not a week ago.  Screen first inverted into its mirror image, then faded into white all together within 2 days.  Amused at first, annoyed at latter.  Searched for new phone the entire Sunday, without apparent success.  Being a picky spender is such a curse.  Finally cut the deal as soon as stupor of sleep wore off.  Relieved.

Poured cereal from cabinet into bowl.  Milk was ready on hand.  Some kids outside burst into a loud laughter.  Looked outside and discovered a deep blue sky and a file of school kids.  Laughed to myself, the working “adult”.  Perhaps this will be a good day after all.

It’s about time

Woke up this morning and saw a darkened sky.  Not good.  Was going to take a long walk in the sun around the area and to grocery store to stock up for the week.  Looked in the fridge and realized it was still half full of food from the BBQ last weekend hosted by landlord.  Awesome.  Not going to starve for at least another 3 or 4 days.  Milk would be nice though; perhaps the convenience store when the rain stops.

Did not accomplish much for the first two weeks.  Sat in comfy armchair in cubicle for a few days reading papers about yeasts and fermentation and bioreactors and antibodies.  Good stuff, but still could not avoid occasionally slipping into daydreams.  No windows around the office room.  Depressing.  Had to deal with more bureaucratic machinery than ever wanted to know existed.  A week passed by without access to computer.  Request got passed around from department to department.  Shared responsibility might as well be no responsibility.  Started training as soon as computer arrived.  Electronic training unintentionally hilarious— “Robots are DEADLY;” “No living personnel should be present in the same room as a level 5 compound.”  Broke into hysterical laughter in office when everyone else were in lab.  Echoes.  Felt a little insecure and lost, both due to the scale of operations and a lack of substantial work.  Scared.

Luckily, work has been picking up.  Supervisor caught up after vacation.  Started prep work for experiment a few work days back.  Lab more chaotic and disordered with equipments than imagined.  FANTASTIC.  Even better, music allowed in the lab room; Glee soundtracks played rather loudly in the background from computer speakers.  ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.  Much to learn.  Tedium unavoidable, but better than boredom and guilt.  Also, nice colleagues.  Ate lunches with them and found out that they were really quite a relaxed group.  Most only a few years older— like looking into a crystal ball and seeing a few years into the future.  Curious.  Supervisor shares similar traits and behaviors.  Look forward to work with her.  Prep work to be finished by middle of next week.  Anxiously anticipating.

Rain stopped. Time for milk.